Hostess Becky Hill Crews notes take-out Mexican food order
from Kay McClanahan -- in Spanish. "We call it catering,"
says Crews.

Lee Carter looks on, dumbfounded. "WTF?"

Sam Tinsley (Sammy-T to insiders) and remaining room politely ignore
Peggy Tinsley's (P-T to intimates) dead-on Marla Trump impersonation.

Bill Norman exults in sin of Pride
at soundly defeating Robert Glasscock
(or "Glass," depending on whether you know him
pre- or post- name-change op) at Pick One.

Exactly what IS it with this guy and cleavage . . . ?
(And that goofy cup-in-the-lap bit.
Like we don't know what THAT'S all about.)

On more serious note, Bill Norman fixates
on pair of deadly brown recluse spiders mating
above table lamp near east wall
whilst oblivious Tinsleys consider what fake name
to register in the motel tonight!

Wait a minute. Deadly brown recluse spiders turn out to be
mildew spots.

Bill. B-i-i-i-i-i-l-l-l-l-l!
Snap out of it!

K-Mac's Laura Bush impression conveys adoration for Bill Norman's
excruciating roast of Bob Glasscock (or "Glass," depending, etc.)
on occasion of his birthday.

Brilliantly written just that afternoon, K-Mac and Norman
(or "B-N" as he's affectionately known to intimates),
succeeded in reducing Glasscock (or Glass, etc.)
to whimpering pool of humiliated Jell-O.

About time.

Sammy-T tries (unsuccessfuly) to teach
Glangston subtleties of "poker face."

Morris Williams reconnects with good parts of "Lady Chatterly's Lover."

Glangston gloats prematurely.
Lost for first time in decade.

Nearly $5.00.

A study in retro high-school politics,
cleverly captured by J-Pat.

Butch Mitchell surrounded by women.
None his wife.
 

Captain Billy inadvertently rams seawall.

"I only wear the glasses to see."

"Out of the top of my head."

"Through my baseball cap."

"Problem with that?"

Party barge and party of 13 sink beneath collapsing seawall.

Fortunately, lake depth near Party Central only 2.3 feet.
Survivors wade onto dance deck, continue partying.

THIS IS:

1. An outtake from "Brokeback Mountain"

2. Discomforting male bonding

3. Dallas Cowboys male cheerleader reunion

4. Sexiest man alive from ten feet away

"Yes, I HAVE heard that. Thank you.
I guess without the beer and the shirt,
I DO look like Roosevelt."

While others dance, Bill Norman and Janice Cason Williams
discuss Bill of Rights.

Basically, Janice explains she's married,
Bill's married, and Bill has no "rights."

Intellectual pinnacle of weekend.

Tinsleys, clearly happy with name they registered under
last night, make mincemeat of everybody else
on linoleum dance floor.

"Glad to see you again, Mr. and Mrs, uh, Smiff."

We're not exactly sure what's going on here.
We're just glad for photographic evidence of it.

This, as they say at the National Enquirer, is the money shot.
 

Girls Getting Wild!

Shockingly, Debbie Mitchell, Ramona Green, Sondra Hercher Gordy and
Jo Ann Johnston are fixin' to flash 'em!

(see below)

Debbie Hayes, Ronnie Jones and Jo Ann Johnston
re-establish grade-school connections.

Only, it's YEARS later and everybody's a BIG boy and a BIG girl.

BLESSING THE PIT

Dick Dewoody consecrates smoker, channeling
Tibetan lama invocation (the dalai kind, not the "llama" kind
that you sheer and cut up and barbeque).

Anyway, it worked. Delicious.

Remind us to ask Dick next year
exactly how he got lost in Tibet on way to Vegas.

Scenic Tours!

"Stop worrying! It's not a Duck!"

Fred Davis confiscates grandson's guitar.
Child unable to strum "Purple Rain" until next morning.
Burst into tears immediately after this shot!

We're talking FRED burst into tears, as grandson
DEMANDED plastic guitar back from cruel Grampie,
to onlookers' delight.

GIRLS GONE WILD!

Peggy Tinsley, Sondra Gordy and Jo Ann Johnston
flash zonkers for camera!

Ever seen diamonds spelling your name on milk-white plastic?
That's what those bracelets are.

Debbie Mitchell and Ramona Green, background,
remain circumspect,
to eternal gratitude of ever-tasteful remainder of Class of '62.

Frankly speaking, diamonds on plastic?

Would you even ACKNOWLEDGE girls so debased?

(Check their shoes before you answer.)

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

 There's something fetching about Robin,
hands folded in lap,
ankles crossed,
all "Donna Reed joins Junior Cotillion" and stuff.

Is she kidding? The weekend isn't a remake of "It's A Wonderful Life!"

Would Junior Cotillion have let Robin in in that top?
Not in a million years.

You are the quiet center of our storm, Ro-Bo.
Hands folded, ankles crossed, bacon cheese ring, whole shebang.

Becky Stone Roberts demonstrates supermodels' cheekbone secret!

"Suck a lemon!" says Roberts, fellating half a lemon
without batting eye.

Face shrinks two inches, to rapt fascination of Sondra Gordy, Susan Zook and Mary Lynn Cloar.

Males here (who HAVE no cheekbones, and, of course, have never CONSIDERED fellating half a lemon) thankfully distracted
despite classmate's wife's citric indiscretion.

K-Mac equally distracted whilst cutting incredibly fattening cake into teensy pieces for distribution to group after bludgeoning "Birthday Boy"
Biker Bob into oblivion with votive candles,
forcing him to finally share.

As Bob Cloar, Ellen McClain Nukolls and Donna Stephens Shannon
enjoy easy repartee, Host Weldon Crews, former Dumas resident,
stares bleakly into future, ponders:

"WTF will this be over?"

Bob What'shisname pontificates about something.

Becky Roberts evinces profound interest,
or possibly kick-in effect of diuretic from recent intimacy with lemon.

YOU GOT YOUR PRIMARY COLORS

Red, yellow and blue.

Then you've got Ann Talbot, 23.
Poised, knockout, subtle, sexy, friendly, chic . . .
we can't stand her.

How DARE she look this good and be this charming?

Ten years ago, George could be arrested.

Hah! She claims to be over 40!

Likely story.

You're only one, Ann, who could EVER sit down on, much less get up from, child's bench without assistance.

PICK ONE NOVICES!
Janice Williams, Butch Mitchell and Sondra Gordy
seek definition of 'qaid' from (off camera) Bill Norman.

Yes, certain zones are designated "alcohol-free."

Robert Shannon, Fred Davis, (Ro-Non and Froda, to those in know)
give new meaning to term, "tailgate."

J-Pat & K-Mac

Jo-Jo & B-M

GLOBAL WARMING PERPLEXES ROBERTS

Discussion of global warming, rising sea levels and penguin
extinction, initiated by Jo Ann Johnston and Butch Mitchell,
(and lamp?) arouses bemused quip-a-thon from Sondra Gordy,
a "WTF's up with my golf game," from Johnny Green,
and, from William A. Roberts, a deeply quizzical,
"Hmm. What can it all MEAN?"

Fat chance he'll discover answer.
Jerk's still not figured out sunglasses go over eyes,
not on top of head.

Nor at night, dude.

Get grip.

ONLY TWO PEOPLE WITH SENSE

JoJo and Doshan.

Tragically, remainder of Class of '62 inebriated,
off somewhere slurring words, watering shrubbery or
reintroducing selves to each other.

"Hi! I'm, uh . . . my name is . . . uh . . . ."

Dysfunctional doesn't BEGIN to describe weekend.

TASTE TEST

The girls -- Jo Ann Johnston, Susan Scarbrough Zook, Mary Lynn Cloar,
Ramona Green, Peggy Tinsley -- critique
Martha Stewart's "aprés-Bastille" appetizers.

Consensus: "Yechhh!"

"Toasted tampon 'breadsticks' -- back in your cell, Martha!"

"Mr. Tom Barton? Simmons Bank? Agent Smedley. FBI."

Time catches up with us all.

Sam Tinsley appalled, yet compassionate.

Robin Rudder Barton's pre-nup flashes before her eyes.

Too Cute to Caption. Okay?
Too cute to caption!
Okay?

No, not debut cover of
"Lesbian Leisure."
Beautiful Jim Patterson portrait of
K-Mac and Cla-Mac
(Kay McClanahan and Clair McClain Norman,
known to intimates as "Clorm")
relaxing deckside.

YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD GET TOGETHER!

You would be wrong.

The Class of '62 has specialized in sexual frustration for over 40 years.

Yet, REALLY good dancers.

"Toot, toot - beep, beep."

Go figure.

ZOOK GOOSES SHANNON!

Yes, we too are shocked. Shocked, I tell you!
But Zook-Goose can be only explanation.

Shannon's expression unmistakable.

All hands but Susan's "on deck."

Old tunes are the best tunes.

Who can forget Doris Day's immortal
"Once I Took a Secret Whiz?"

"What has three teeth and six t-. . . ?"

"The graveyard shift at the Waffle House."

"Shh! This guy behind us is praying."

Yes, it's Sunday brunch at Gilligan's.
 

"We don't know WHAT we're doing at Gilligan's!"

"All's we know is an inner-tube halo spells 'pretty' in French
over our head."

"Behind us? Lying bitch. Or clothespin clamped on her nose.
Or Pinnochio optical illusion."

"Guy over my right shoulder? C-U-U-T-E!"

"Ham and eggs and handsome, please. Scrambled,
scattered, smothered."

THEM PEPPERS IS H-O-T!

Robert Shannon reacts to homegrown peppers, raw.

Helps if you put them on eggs or sausage, Robert.
Snorting NOT recommended,
no matter how cool you thought it was in the '70s.

What? Susan has MORE grandchildren?

ART

Glamour and colour in white-on-white party-barge abstract?

Robo and Brews?

That's them.

J-Pat goes all arty and stuff with digi-cam.

________________

Wait a minute. We could be saying "hello."
Are we facing west, or east?
Is this p.m., or a.m.?

WTF?